Thursday, September 24, 2009

Approved Meeting Notes 09.21.09

Monday's selectboard meeting was back to business as usual; low turnout, expedited pacing, and a plethora of super suggestions from Richmond's only permanent member of the selectboard, Cara LaBounty. Pete Parent sat quietly and refrained from goading the audience. Erik Filkhorn and Jon Kart tapped out Shakespearean insults to one another in Morse code. Mary Houle rifled through a tattered copy of the DSM-IV-TR. Marcia Lawrence meditated.

Highlights included Erik Filkhorn fielding Marcia Lawrence's question regarding CUSI, which he described as being "like CSI." His off the cuff reference to the popular crime drama confirmed our long held suspicion that he is a sleeper agent scouting our town on behalf of Jerry Bruckheimer's production company. We're on to you Erik.

A proposed ordinance is set to ban public nudity. The draft language notes an overwhelming fear that nudity, as a concept, will promote a dangerous influx of free thinkin' liberals, hippies, flatlanders, investors, college graduates and people under thirty into the area.

Houle asked Filkhorn if he could retrieve files from Ron Rodjenski's computer. LaBounty seconded this, requesting that she be allowed to insert the "crasher squirrel" into any images found on the hard drive.

Kart provided an update on the town administrator search. He reported that the six finalists would be participating in an upcoming reality-based television show involving outdoor survival, dancing, fashion sense, singing, and culinary prowess. The show, currently in production as "The Island," will be filmed on location in Richmond and is set to air mid-January. Closed captioning provided by the Jonesville Underground.

Stay shiny Richmond!


  1. Naw's an expository limbo stick. We set the bar low to see how much lower you can all go!

  2. Thank you for making my day. I have never laughed harder about shit on the internet than this post. Bravo, and incredibly accurate.

  3. "A proposed ordinance is set to ban public nudity."

    I've been to Richmond, worked in Richmond, eaten in Richmond, and know many of its residents. I would pay good money to make sure they keep their clothes on at all times.

  4. Cracking me up Dan. Thanks for the humor.

  5. no wonder people are annoyed with you, I doubt your really serious about becoming a business owner in the town...that wouldnt be any fun for you, unless you can antagonize and make fun of people

  6. So the real question is when are you goign to open your store?
    Your wasting your time and energy with all this crap. Focussssssss!

  7. All I wanted was a Sunday paper and a cup of coffee. Does anyone else feel like opening up a store in Jonesville?


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