Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Richmond goes radioactive for the holidays

HMC2-a local marketing agency reputed to provide "holistic marketing solutions," has just produced a shiny new ad campaign intended to "help" Vermonters understand the "facts" about Vermont Yankee. Their "fact" page spins a delightful fallout scenario of what could happen if the state decides not to re-license the outdated and damaged facility…rioting in the streets, skyrocketing heating bills, and Vermont will no longer be considered a "green" state…are you kidding me?

HMC2's nifty little campaign fails to acknowledge that our state's unnecessary dependence on Vermont Yankee has hindered renewable energy development for years…you know-the projects intended to reduce your electric bill, stabilize and sustain the economy, create jobs and reduce global climate change.

But it's cool-I have to step back on a pretty regular basis and remind myself that I live in a town where half of the selectboard fears a productive discourse, our hometown gubernatorial candidate is as quiet and conventional as the Cheerios I ate this morning, and despite our region's firm commitment to sustainable, entrepreneurial and innovative ventures-our state rep won't say "no" to a crumbling nuclear facility...I guess having a marketing agency that supports global warming is pretty much par for the course.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Mary Houle: The Secret Socialist

Armed with a can of SPAM, selectboard malcontent Mary "The Hooligan" Houle quelled a gathering of Conservation Reserve Fund insurgents at last night's selectboard meeting. Slamming her pen against the table, as if wielding Thor's hammer, Houle announced that she was "leaving the meeting. " She proceeded to her timeout chair in the hallway before returning as a member of the audience. The baffled group could only describe her behavior as "poor form." Without a quorum to vote, the meeting proceeded uncomfortably for some time. Houle, channeling the will of Hugo Chávez on a coca induced hunger strike, forced the meeting to continue until 5AM, before returning to the table for her can of SPAM. She then forced the group to watch her consume the can, in its entirety, before moving to adjourn. Eric Filkhorn seconded the motion.

I highly recommend that everyone watch this theatrical performance on MMCTV this weekend or grab a DVD copy at the Richmond Free Library. After watching the last half hour (when it gets interesting) ask yourself one simple question: who the hell voted her onto the selectboard?