Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Protect and Serve

I spent part of my weekend down in Northfield, grilling up Backcountry Pizza for the Bonestock crew. It was a delightful escape from the wildly humorous sight of Isaac Cowan and his selectboard vassal, Mary Houle massing on my border, engaged in some North Korean-inspired brinkmanship.

Houle's response to my previous blogpost, in which I describe a fictitious rebel stronghold located on an island in the Winooski River, was to have police cite me with a trespass notice. Yes folks, in Richmond creative writing is grounds for getting served. Apparently, the town doesn't mind tossing out the constitutional protections of their citizenry when a selectboard member's ego is wounded. So, in true LTCM fashion, we have responded by turning the trespass notice into a t-shirt…in carbon copy pink of course! We are also preparing to help Ms. Houle out with her re-election campaign, with "Hooligans for Houle" as the campaign slogan.

To show our lenient nature, we are offering Isaac Cowan a fresh start in his relations with the Long Trail Community Market Quorum. Print out the declaration below; sign and date in front of a notary public and return with a self-addressed stamped envelope to: Long Trail Community Market 232 Jonesville, VT 05466 no later than the Twenty-first day of August, 2009.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We, acting by command of and on behalf of the Long Trail Community Market Quorum hereby offer the provisions of your surrender in this declaration.

We hereby command your forces wherever situated to cease hostilities forthwith and comply with all requirements which may be imposed by the LTCM.

We hereby command that you withdraw the trespass notice on file with the Richmond Police Department and hereby accept the longstanding right of way agreement between our two properties.

We hereby command that you liberate your taste buds and undertake in good faith the regular and copious tasting of Backcountry Pizza for the purpose of giving effect to new and glorious gastronomic experiences.

We hereby command that you establish a Facebook account and "friend" us.

Prompt compliance will allow the LTCM to take such steps as deemed proper to effectuate these terms of surrender.

Extended at THE ISLAND, VERMONT on the EIGHTEENTH day of AUGUST, 2009, for the Long Trail Community Market, and in the interests of the other community members in conflict with Isaac Cowan.

Daniel Giangreco
Supreme Leader of the Long Trail Community Market

Ché Gnombre
Militant Lawn Gnome Association Representative

"Calico" Jack Rebedeau
Jonesville Underground Representative


Signed at RICHMOND TOWN OFFICES on the __________ day of AUGUST, ______


_________________________

Isaac Cowan
By Command and in behalf of Cowan Property Management, LLC

7 comments:

  1. Great Seven Days article guys! Keep up the good fight!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am again disappointed in Richmond's town politics. At what point is the Select Board going to start workig on solutions with you? We need good businesses in our area. Mary Houle should resign from the board immediately.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Good Fight? How about get your permits, get your site plan approved, get your labor and industry and health department issues resolved and open your doors. You know, like all businesses have to do? Then you'll have something real to blog about!

    Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Rebecca "Hungry on Stage Road" RooseAugust 21, 2009 at 4:50 PM

    Where can I buy a T-shirt?

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hunter(S.T.)???? Is that you?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Matt Schrag (Duxbury resident)August 23, 2009 at 9:08 AM

    You guys are my heroes! I can't wait for this to open and meet you all....You are my kind of folks! I'm pulling for you and will be there on opening day with a jug of potable water and a Port-O-John if need be.

    ReplyDelete

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.