Sunday, August 9, 2009

New selectboard policy in Richmond

Friends & Neighbors, please make note of the following changes to official town policy:

As of August 8, 2009 a Richmond selectboard member will be on-call during weekend and evening hours to handle your civil complaints. If you observe neighbors participating in social gatherings of two or more, laughter lasting longer that 5 seconds, or lights on past 8pm, report these act of impropriety to Mary Houle between the hours of 8pm and 2am. She can be reached at 802-434-2666.

Mary darlin', you set a dangerous precedent coming down to the store with Isaac Cowan late in the evening. As a board member I expect a bit more prudence and tact on your part. Do you represent the town, or are you a bought and paid for politician?

…and Isaac hun, next time you decide to disrupt my weekend, you ought to brandish something a bit scarier than a selectboard member. Your continued acts of intimidation only embolden our rapidly increasing numbers, and your tantrums are providing us with sold gold material for the blog and our upcoming show.

The LTCM response to this most recent act of aggression and invasion of privacy was to gear up with mullet wigs, super soakers, kendo swords, wiffleball bats, and a guitar and march defiantly (to Spanish guitar riffs) over to our neighbor's house to deliver a freshly baked Backcountry Pizza. When Cowan and his selectboard vassal finally departed, we let loose an ewok battle cry and told ghost stories around the campfire.

In other news, the LTCM has annexed a small island in the Winooski River, on which the new Jonesville Underground complex will be located. We have acquired a radio transmitter, ferried over a small flotilla of livestock, created an interconnected series of zip lines, and dug several tiger pits loaded with punji sticks made from dried, sharpened Japanese knotweed (just doing our part to find creative uses for invasive species). On our island we will teach retrotopian values and make twig art to sell at local markets.


  1. Ha...Mary Houle. Are you sure it wasn't Cowan in drag?

  2. you guys sound like a bunch of children, not someone who wants to be a respected community member...and that painting ruins our beautiful country views, go paint it in Burlington!

  3. I think he sounds like someone who doesn't take life more seriously than it deserves. Party on, LTCM!!

  4. ...And party on we shall!

    When Anonymous wrote that we had "ruin[ed] our beautiful country views," I wonder-were you referring to the hideous gray and peeling warehouses our store is surrounded by, or was it so offensive as to be permanently burned onto your corneas; thus superimposing the image atop every landscape you look at?

    If you consider those buildings to be part of our idyllic scenery, I wouldn't be questioning our sense of aesthetics, but if your corneas are truly damaged, your surgery is on us!

  5. While some may like the painting, it does not fit in with the character of the community. Unfortunately, the painting and the continued bitterness expressed on your blog are not helping potential customers, and you are creating a divisiveness in the local community, to the point that many will not shop there if you finally open. Try to take the upper hand by being positive, instead of so negative, for better community relations. Talk about what will be happening in your store, how you will be helping the town, and veer away from the politics when you can.

  6. Maybe instead of complaining how one person's artistic outlet "doesn't fit into the community" the community should open up and learn to love and change. Only through creating beauty does one truly know joy, which this community seems to be lacking. Kudos to you boys for trying to not only give a splash of color and culture to people only seeing green and brown for weeks at a time (the Long Trail hikers) but to a community too blinded by the color of their own ignorance to appreciate it! Wish you weren't so far away as this seems like the type of store I would frequent after the farms and farmer's markets I mostly shop at. I wish you all the luck in the world and look forward to stooping in one day!

  7. to keep the airways clean, can I get a 'what what', anonymous says the, "continued bitterness expressed on your blog are not helping potential customers, and you are creating a divisiveness in the local community" ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!! I say go forth with your divide and conquer strategy...and hopefully your utterly unbearable bitter blogging does indeed weed out the A**HOLES from shopping at the store...and can you imagine a place without A**HOLES, a place like that sounds pretty nice to me :-)

  8. I don't know what all the fuss is about. You folks are and should be a non-issue! get your permits,fill your store with your dreams and go into buisness.what are you waiting for? a c/o would be nice and potable water source would be nice also.the fact that you disparage a person who actually owns property is a rights are not given to you, you have to pay for them. to think mr. cowan is going to let you a renter infringe on them because your willing to give him a hug is absurd. you rented a red herring and you need to put up or shut up! and as far as the art work, i hope when an accident happens because some dope is looking at it and gets hit from behind they tape a bill for damages to your closed doors. take your project to burlington where you belong.some of us left the city to get away from folks like you. i am shocked you have not applied for some stimulas money you seem like the type to stand in line for some. yikes what a load of crap all these papers fell for. you were set up to fail at that location hope you did not sign a long lease :)

  9. Keep fighting LTCM...hopefully some of your spirit will filter into Bolton. Lord knows we need it!


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