After rising through the ranks of the Seven Days "most popular," Mary Houle finally landed the coveted number one spot (a tenure the LTCM enjoyed back in August). Seizing upon her newfound status as "cult curmudgeon," Houle announced her comeback tour in the form of a statewide media blitzkrieg. Kicking it all off in Jonesville, Ms. Houle sat down with LTCM web editor, Jack Rebedeau, for an exclusive interview:
LTCM: Mary, what prompted you to effect the resignations of several town officials?
Houle: Moral superiority, Jack. I am the only one who cares about this town, clearly. I donate flowers for god sakes! FLOWERS! I don't recall any of my selectboard peers getting their hands dirty for this town. Liberals don't know how to garden, and liberals don't even come from Vermont!
LTCM: Speaking of all things garden related, we've heard that you are still seeking an audit of the Richmond Farmer's Market. Why is that?
Houle: Anytime a business, be they non-profit or for-profit, receives stimulus funds they are accountable to my administration. After I finish gutting the market, I'll be conducting audits of every business to receive a benefit from those funds. If Toscano's lets so much as one strand of pasta go beyond al dente, or On The Rise runs out of breakfast roll-ups before I get there, consider them all as good as closed. And the next time I go into Film Buzz for a VHS, they better have 'em!
LTCM: What do you see as a next step for this town? We're coming out of the recession, the bridge has re-opened, and the town is looking more comprehensively at an economic development strategy. How do you see it all coming together?
Houle: I don't. After I finish knocking off the public officials and town employees I dislike, I'll be dissolving all boards and the police department, creating a regional authority. Acting as sheriff-imperator, I will return the area to a more traditional set of rural standards.
LTCM: Well, thank you for your time Ms. Houle. We humbly submit to your will and wish you the best of luck in your scorched earth approach to community development.